OBSESSED

So, I have a very obsessive character ever since I was a kid.

In primary school, I was obsessed about my best friend. She was the most popular girl of our class. Boys loved her for her look, girls loved her because boys loved her. I loved her because we decided to become best friends and she was the one who made the first move. Of course, after a couple of years, she was the one again to back off and tell me not to be best friends any longer.

In middle school, I was obsessed about a boy who was 2 years older than me and played guitar in our singing club. He would return to my smiles here and there, give me some secret stares, and go back to what he was doing before he saw me. We never talked to each other. After I changed my school in high school, I never saw him again. The case was closed.

In high school, I was obsessed about another boy. He was a popular one. You might guess it, he was a catch. I was not (at least that was what I was thinking about myself). He knew about my feelings, I was making it obvious unintentionally. He was probably having fun and some ego boosts as he saw me begging for a return of feelings from the way that I looked at him. I never got a return.

Now that I'm nearly graduating from medical school and having a really settled relationship with my most precious one (whom I truly love and care), I still find myself preoccupied in my past obsessions. A couple of months ago, my high school obsession started using Instagram and followed his facebook friends, including me. Today I looked at his following lists, and didn't see myself for a second. Of course, when I refreshed the page and saw my name was on the list, I felt a big relief, as if the world was saved.

Why am I still not letting go off of the past?..

When am I going to be mature enough to forget?

SPIDERMAN

Hello,

It's been a long time.

I just wanted to jot down a couple of things about today, partly because I think I'm still improving about my "self-love" thing, and also partly because I feel like this blog deserves to be taken care of.

So, the first thing that I wanted to emphasize about today, is that today happened to be a national holiday. It was not a national holiday until this year. Appearently a group of citizens saved our country (I mean the president of our country) from an insidious assasination last year, so we're celebrating that day of the year. (It is more tragic that it sounds actually, considering the political state of our country, but I better not get into detail)

The second thing is, I bought myself salted popcorn with cheese in the middle of the cinema today! Actually, I don't even feel like this is an improvement at all. I just wanted to write this down.

Every time I see myself in the mirror and my eyes run towards the changing parts of my body, I feel like I don't care anymore. Not caring used to be my biggest fear in the past. It felt like I would be out of control if I stopped caring.

It turns out having too much of self-control never worked for me.

I will keep discovering what works for me the best!

Love.