CAN'T HELP IT

I can't help not watching videos on youtube channels made by women who experienced hypothalamic amenorrhea and dedicated their channels to help women motivate to fight against it. What they "order" people to do sounds too harsh for me. I have no idea how these women manage to make "eat, rest, be happy" prescription as harsh, but trust me, they do.

I also can't help not keeping a little bit of distance with my boyfriend. I really don't know exactly what really got to me lately, but I feel like I've been hearing too much of "I love you," but not I've not been seeing enough action that would prove what he says is true. He's such a loving person, and he's like that to everyone close to him.

But the good side is that my psychology is getting better and better each day. I've started thinking less about the food that I'm going to eat, so I'm less stressed. I'm gradually including more fats into my diet, not because I need it, but because I want to. My exercise routine is getting lighter and lighter each day, and I don't feel like a fat-store if I don't have the chance to exercise.

I have more energy to focus on other things in life, which makes me remember about the last 2 and a half years of my life, in which I was obsessed about the food I took in and the body image issues I had. Everyday that I would look in the mirror to see if my thigh gap got any smaller, everyday I would spend sleepless... Those days seem just ridiculous, but I don't feel regretful that I made such a huge long-lasting mistake. I know I'll fix it!

This time I'm going to be gentle.

I love me.

And I know that the only people who love me as much as I do, are my parents. And they won't be there forever (I hope they will be there for a long long long time though). Since I'm the only one who will stay with me until I die, I have to learn how to love myself more each day. Simple equation.